“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”

Time goes by too fast. But in this case, it’s a good thing because I want it to be summer already. School drains me. I hate school. The schoolwork, the homework, the people. I’m just really tired of it all.

I took a Bio test today. I sat there thinking, when is knowing that Cnidarians have a gastrovascular cavity digestive system ever going to help me in life? That’s right, it isn’t. When is half the crap we learn in school ever going to help us in life? It’s not.  No one is going to stop me on the street one day, put a gun to my head and ask me “Quick, tell me what is 75467 divided by the cosine of 157, or else you’re going to die.” Oh and it’s no surprise I made a 76 on the Bio test.

Sometimes I feel like giving up. I used to be so proud of myself, being in all these advanced classes. But now it’s like, ‘Hey, anyone could be in an advanced class if they tried and really put their mind to it.’ What’s so special about being in advanced classes anyway? Oh that’s right! You get to go at a faster rate, learn more crap and take quizzes and tests every 5 minutes.  Even if I rant and piss and moan about school, I’m still going to get off this computer and start doing my homework, which isn’t going to help me in life either.

And people definitely don’t make all of this better. It amazes me how people can be so ignorant, so selfish, rude and obnoxious to other people and teachers, but they would never act like this to their parents. But some would. There are just some people that as soon as I see them, I feel annoyed/pissed off. People, people, people. I’ve kind of given up hope on people. It seems that as the older I get, the worse it becomes. Of course, no one is going to stay the same forever, but how could someone change so drastically? Not everyone is rude or selfish and obnoxious, but that is the majority of people at my school. I’d like to think I’m not rude and obnoxious. Maybe sometimes I can be a little rude, obnoxious and selfish, but it’s not my personality. There are just some people who just have that kind of personality. I would really love to meet someone one day, that someone who just gives me a little bit more hope about this world.

I will admit, I have different sides of me. Some of my friends see me as funny and weird (in a good way they say?). Some of my friends see me as logical and cool. People who don’t know me (aka people that I don’t like/who annoy me) see me as cold and serious and quiet. “Why don’t you ever talk?” “Why are you so quiet?” Why should I have to talk to people I don’t like? Should I have to be loud and obnoxious like you? Give me a break and go back to your self centered world.  I’m not the kind of person who flips people off and says like 10 cuss words in one sentence alone. So, I guess in their world it makes me different.

I have friends. I can be happy sometimes. I don’t feel the need to have a best friend. I couldn’t share my feelings with another person if I tried. I don’t really talk to my parents about my feelings either. “How was school?” “Good.” “Okay.” I’m not super close with any of my friends. At one point, I thought having a best friend meant everything. But that was in elementary school. It was 5th grade that my ‘best friend’ and I suddenly weren’t so close anymore. When I entered middle school, I think that’s when my view of the world really started to change, even if it was only a little and I didn’t really notice it. I wanted to be popular when I was in 6th grade. What kid didn’t? But it was apparent that I wasn’t anything like those popular kids. I didn’t wear Abercrombie or Hollister (still don’t, they’re not even real clothes to me), I didn’t have a boyfriend (yes, people had bfs/gfs in 6th grade), and I didn’t cuss AT ALL. But since I wanted to be popular, I did, because it was ‘cool.’ It’s not so cool anymore. I don’t a give a flying monkey’s anchor about being popular anymore. People that say cuss words in every sentence, they just come off to me as unintelligent because they can’t find other words to use. People that use gay or retarded as derogatory words; I think the same about them too. Gay, retarded, %^&$, blah, blah, blah.  ‘Hey, find some other words to use, then maybe I’ll see you as someone I can actually dignify a response to.’

I guess I have those people to thank. The ones who made me realize, “Hey, I don’t want to be anything like you.”

Anyway, regardless of everything on this post, I’m not suicidal or depressed. I’m not one of those weird kids who might suddenly snap one day haha. I’m just frustrated and sad and maybe even a little bit cynical. Cynical about school. Cynical about people. Cynical about the world. I’d like to be one of those people who, in despite of everything cruel and grim about the world, they still have some hope. But I’m not.

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19 comments
  1. Wow is the only thing I can say to this. This is exactly how I feel towards the world and people in my school. Although I say about 10 cuss words in an entire day, not an entire sentence, but I don’t have a girlfriend and I want to be popular… But now you’ve just made me realize what matters in my life and what is right and what is wrong. What I truly want. I’m not exactly like you, I feel the only thing I want to live for in life is love and look forward to life but you seem like you just want it over with. Sorry if I’m wrong. But, I just want to say than you for this post. I having realized something in a long time… It just makes me think now. :(

    • Ari said:

      Oh! Don’t get me wrong, I love life, high school just ruins it for me <–I don't even know if that makes sense lol. Like you, I want to find love and look forward to life too, but high school just makes it hard for me to do that lol

      I didn't really write this post to make people think, but you;re welcome :) and I'm happy my post could make you think. But this post really does make it seem like I was pinpointing only the bad things in life. There are good things in life too :) Don't become a cynic like me :]

  2. School needs to be done with already. I want to move somewhere where school gets out super early AND starts late. They have less breaks during the year, but I would just take more sick days lol.
    Oh and I loved Hey Arnold when it was on. Sorry just had to mention that lol.
    You know. I wrote a post very similar to this yesterday…. This is exactly how I feel. You did a better job of conveying the message though.
    The difference with us is, I AM depressed part (if not most) of the time. School is one of the most depressing things I’ve ever encountered.

    • Ari said:

      Yes! My school was actually considering starting school at 9:15 and getting out at 4:45! Can you believe that?! Everyone was pissed. People made facebook groups and everything. And finally, they decided not to go through with it…until the class of 2013’s junior year :)

      Hey Arnold was the best! :D

      School is pretty depressing, I’m not even going to lie lol. But life is too short for being depressed part (or most) of the time. The thing that keeps me from not getting depressed is reminding myself that high school is only 4 years and it’ll be over soon enough (well, as soon as 4 years can pass by lol) :)

      • Oh I wouldn’t like that. That’s a little too late in the day. But I meant when the school year starts and ends. I think in Idaho or Iowa or somewhere like that, they get out in May and start school way late in September. They do more farming so they have to be home to work the fields (as I understand it). I’d much prefer that.
        I was super hyper during first today, and then I got to second and was practically asleep by the end of it. That class sucks ALL of the energy I have out of me by the end of class. It’s really annoying because I can’t seem to get anymore steam back after that class, so I’m just dead for the day.
        I try to look at school like that too, but in the moment of REALLY depressing things, I can’t help but feel sad about it all. Lame excuse I know, but it’s the truth.

  3. Amali said:

    This is probably my favourite post of yours, Ari. I disagree with a lot of this, but it really got me thinking.
    I agree that most of what we’re learning at school is rubbish. Standardised testing makes no sense whatsoever. It’s a flawed system, and I really don’t get it, but here’s hoping it leads to something better.

    Oh, and I loved Hey Arnold too. Heck, I still watch clips on youtube sometimes, lol.

    • Ari said:

      Aw, thank you :] I wouldn’t blame you for disagreeing with some of the stuff I wrote. I guess the way I wrote this post just made me seem really unhappy and cynical about life. But trust me, I’m not like this every day or all the time just sitting in my room pondering about life and the world lol

      I loved all the classic Nickelodeon shows :D I wish they would bring them back

  4. Annie said:

    Hahaha! I think like that too. I keep asking myself if whatever I’m learning will actually help me in life.
    I agree with quite a few things in your post.
    Hey Arnold! I like :D

    • Ari said:

      I know! It kind of annoys me lol

      Me too :D

  5. Zipo said:

    I read this earlier this morning and was hoping it was just a figment of my imagination, so I came back to check it out. SADLY it was not. Good Golly, fake it girl, for my sake.

    Enjoy life. As it has been said, this is not a dress rehearsal. Everyone knows knowledge is power. You may rule someday!

    Ppl suck… it’s a fact. So you need to suck it up… and take the good and praise it. You will find if you do that… you won’t turn into one of “those” ppl.

    Happy Easter… may the bunny grace you with many fine eggs. And ask yourself… where the “peep” did he get those eggs?

    • Ari said:

      Zipo…:lol:

      Your comment just totally made my day lol. And you’re right! Now that I’ve read over this post, it’s really just depressing haha

      Thank for your comment :D

  6. Opus said:

    Well, here at my school the insult that the very bright students of Oklahoma use is f***ot. They love the word. Its very strange and appalling. But thats it for our world. I already knew of the coming disaster of the future while reading Facebook status lol :lol:

    Sometimes when I feel as depressed as this post, I listen to music, and let myself go off into another world. Or watch NASA podcasts to let my head go into deep space for a bit to forget the dreadful world around me. Music sure does help a lot :D

    I too am very very shy. x.x

    • Ari said:

      “The very bright students of Oklahoma” :lol: You crack me up Opus! I don’t get it either. What so great about the word faggot or gay? Ehhhhh, I’ll never understand haha

      You’re right! Music really does help a lot :D

      • Opus said:

        It’s the homophobes way of proving their manliness. It really just shows how pathetic they are.

  7. I understand what you mean completely. School is, to me anyway, quite pointless. I don’t understand why we must learn all of these things that neither assist us nor make us happy.
    Our world is so focused on living and being the ‘top dog’ that most have forgotten what it is like to be happy. I’m not talking short term happy, like when you recieve a present or when you see your friends. I’m talking long term happy. Blissful. Content.

    Our world just isn’t like that though, and it’s not like there is anywhere else to go.
    Ari, if I ever invent the space ship that I long for, we’ll gather up our loved ones and go on a trip to the moon. On the moon, there aren’t any other people. Sounds pretty good to me.

    • Ari said:

      I agree with you! I really do think some people have forgotten what it’s like to be happy. Makes me kinda sad.

      Sounds pretty good to me too! A place without people…I like that :)

  8. Emily said:

    Your school sounds just like mine. Popularity – icky. I have so many bad memories just thinking about it. I wanted to be popular in middle school. It’s sad that I didn’t realize until this year that popularity means nothing. It’s because of band, as everything else is :P I have friends. I don’t want to be a slut and wear so much makeup that I look like a raccoon everyday.

    I have one best friend, and I’ve known her for a long time, but I don’t tell her everything. I guess I tell different friends different things, because they understand what I mean. I don’t think there’s one person that could understand me completely. Oh, that would be the day, to find someone as insane as I am.

    Trust me, you aren’t the only one. I’ve given up on the majority of the teenage population as well. Younger generations just keep getting worse. But I guess it’s just a part of middle/high school, learning about how ignorant the world is.

    • Ari said:

      Ugghhhh, popularity! I was obsessed with being popular. I can’t believe how pathetic I used to be. *sigh*

      Yeah, I guess that’s one thing I can thank high school for: learning about how ignorant the world is.

  9. Zipo said:

    More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

    Geez ppl… you’re depressing the hospice ppl! :)

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