It’s time for a change

I want to do something with my life.

I’m tired of existing, I want to experience now. Simply existing had always been enough for me, but lately, I’ve found that it’s just not enough anymore. I’m thankful that I’m alive, but it’s not cutting it for me. It’s driving me crazy. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I feel like I have to do something in this world. I’ve been down in the dumps these past couple of weeks and it’s making me depressed. I hate feeling like this. I really do. I hate how I feel like I have to be the best. I want to be the best. Who doesn’t? I’m not particularly great at anything. I’m okay at drawing (at one point, I wanted to be an artist), I’m okay at school (at one point, I used to be so proud of my academic abilities…not so much now), I’m okay at graphic design (at one point, I thought I used to be pretty good…hahaha!), and I’m okay at writing (at one point, I thought I was such a good writer…hahahaha). I’m average. I don’t like being average. My laziness gets in the way. I’ve been feeling very apathetic lately. I haven’t been very nice to my parents. I should be helping them around the house, asking how their day went, being a good daughter and all that shizz. But I’m not. I’m nothing. I suppose this is where I’m supposed to write that I’ve had an epiphany and I’m changing the error of my ways, that I’m going to strive to become the very best now…yadda yadda yadda…I’d just be spitting bullcrap. But I do want to try. I don’t like this feeling of loneliness, self pity, semi-depression-ish, call it what you want.  I’d like to try. Yes…baby steps. I want to be a better daughter. I want to do better in school. I want to find a good job, get a car, license. I want to find a dance studio and dance…hip hop, jazz, ballet. I want to travel the world. I want to do things. I want to make the world a better place. Far-fetched, I know, but I’d like to. I’m never going to achieve these things if I keep sitting on my lazy butt, hating school with all my heart, disliking the people in it, procrastinating, doing nothing. I don’t want to feel like nothing anymore.  No, not anymore.

Only God knows why I’m typing this post at 12 midnight when I haven’t written a post in a very long time, replied to comments, have an Algebra test tomorrow, Chemistry homework to do, a Whap quiz tomorrow…oh hell…what was the point of this post again…oh that’s right…

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6 comments
  1. Opus said:


    I’m a pessimist myself, so I can’t really say anything else to help, sorry! :lol:

    Ah, Chemistry..
    6(NH4) (OH)+ Fe2O3–>2Fe(OH)3+ 3(NH4)2O
    (Ammonium Hydroxide and Ferric Oxide yields Iron (III) Hydroxide and Ammonium Oxide)
    too bad i can’t do subscripts on the computer! :lol:

    • AA said:

      I’m trying to change my pessimistic ways :) I’m not suddenly going to wake up one morning and be this optimistic person, but I’ll try lol

      FFFFUUUUUUUU
      Chemistry leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Chemistry is now forbidden on my blog!

  2. rinftw said:

    You ma’am, just described the story of my life.
    Can’t give you much advice, because I’m there with you. It’s like… there’s so much to do, so much to see, so much to accomplish, but what I do in response is go take a nap, and then after that be apathetic about everything.
    I guess while I’m waiting on the world to change, the first thing I could do is change myself.
    … That was painfully cliched, so I’m just going to leave now. Hopefully both of us can experience something significantly new this year (:

    • AA said:

      I keep having to remind myself that I should stop being so apathetic, and look on the brighter side. It’s difficult lol

      Hopefully we will!

  3. opus said:

    but….

    2HCl+2(NH4)+O2—>2 (NH4)Cl+H2O :(

    :lol:

    • AA said:

      :cry: Stop it

      Is it supposed to mean something? Keep it off my blog! :evil:

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