I think it’s time I finally came to terms with it.

I prayed to God at the beginning of the school year, asking him to let me make a difference in someone’s life or for someone to make a difference in mine. I guess there’s a reason why the prayer wasn’t answered.  Yes, I realize the school year isn’t close to being over but…I know it’s not going to happen.

I think I’m just meant to be a person of solitude. Sure, I have my family, but I’ve never been close with them, and I never will no matter how much they want me to. I don’t know how and when I became so reclusive. I don’t think I’m meant to have an amazing group of friends or an amazing boyfriend. I can’t even see myself getting married to someone and building a family with that person. And that’s fine with me. I don’t want to get married or have children, as bad as that sounds. I’m fine with being a spinster for the rest of my life. I know my parents will be disappointed, but I could honestly care less. I know they want me to marry a man of my ethnicity and cultural background too. Newsflash, mother and father: it’s not going to happen. Heck, I don’t even want a boyfriend. Girls my age are getting boyfriends like it’s the latest fashion. I don’t need or want a boyfriend. I’m too lazy for a relationship. I’d rather cuddle. It’s not like either of those things would ever happen anyway.

Will I eventually drown in this sea of solitude? Or…will I come to enjoy it? Solitude. Solitude. Maybe that’s why I’ve always like Solitaire. Anyhow, I apologize for the disorganization of this post. It sounded so much better in my head.


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