Lonely.mp3

To answer my own question from this post, it appears that I am indeed still the same secluded, pathetic, friendless person that I was in high school. But it’s only been 3 days so I shan’t give up hope already! Hey guys, I’m in college now. W00t. Classes started on Wednesday and it is now the weekend and also my school’s first football game of the season. And guess who’s going? NOT ME! *manic cackling turns into heaping sobbing* I know this feeling all too well. Is this the price I have to pay for choosing to stay in a private room? I’m placing the blame on my private room when in reality, it’s just me. I mean, I’ve met some cool people, most of which are upperclassmen (really nice upperclassmen, might I add…brings tears to my eyes *cry*). And that’s mostly due to me being part of the Christian club at my school. I haven’t made any friends in my classes. Like I said, it’s only been 3 days though, so I should stop being so cynical already (ha!). My hall is so quiet, which I suppose is a good thing and something I’m sure I’ll appreciate as the semester goes on. Staying in a private is nice, but it’s also really easy to stay inside of my bubble of one, being anti-social and all that jazz.

Whatever. Maybe I’ll go to the next home football game. I don’t really care for American Football, but I still think going to the game would be fun. Why am I not going to the game, you ask? Well…I don’t have anyone to go with and I’d really rather not go by myself. I guess I’ll just spend tonight making good use of the free movies my school offers or do some homework or something. (I know what you’re thinking: “what a loser!” amirite or amirite?)

Speaking of homework, have I mentioned that the US Higher Education System is just a tad absurd? $120 for an access code not including the book that’s needed for the class (which costs an arm and a leg but I found it online free yay me)? It’s amazing how all of my school expenses make my $20,000 scholarship look like chump change. I’d laugh at this nonsense if I wasn’t already crying at the pain of my back being weighed down heavily by thousands of student loans. Ah, such is life, no? What a time to be alive!

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12 comments
  1. Zipo said:

    You lucky duck! Most ppl can’t live off campus the first year, let alone in a private space in a hall. You should try becoming an R.A. Well actually maybe not. If you aren’t a fan of the masses, not a good idea. You would have to deal as Sas said… bleepheads. hahaha

    Ask someone to go with you to the game. And you’ll find … the social ladder is a whole lot different in college. Everyone is just trying to get through the day… don’t care if you have name brands on your bod.

    Glad you hooked up with a good base group! It is a good start. And you have never been & never will be a loser. I happen to think that a loser is someone who does not trust, does not love, and does not respect others. Perhaps the latter leads to the former but, we’ll skip the semantics. You’re so hard on yourself. I think you have major integrity and ambition and are a responsible person. Now get out there and enjoy yourself.

    God the money is ridiculous. But anymore, if you want a job…. you gotta have the paper!

    I am watching the U. S. tennis open. You gotta have a ball in every sport. What’s up with that? :)

    • AA said:

      I know. I’ve looked at prices of private dorms at other schools…yikes! My school is extremely cheap in comparison. The private dorms cost more, but I think it’s worth it. Sharing a bathroom with 3 other people as opposed to 1…*shudders*. Yeah, I don’t think I could be an RA. Hmmm, or maybe I could. I think they get adiscount on housing. And the RAs have their own bathroom. Not bad. I still want to get an apartment though.

      You make it sound so easy! I wish it was that easy! My suitemate seems to be living the college life fully. She has a lot of friends from highschool that go here (how many people do I know from back home that go to my school? none). She’s rarely in her room. I’m jealous tbh. I hung out with her one day the week before classes started. It was an interesting experience. I got into a car of a stranger (her friend from hs) and I was about to piss myself, honestly. So the driver gets into his car and I’m expecting him to put on his seat belt…but he doesn’t. I was like wtf? Then he and my suitemate start talking about how going 80 mph is CRUISE CONTROL for him. And then he starts talking about all his speeding tickets. All this time I’m sitting in the back praying to just get to the event in one piece, which I did thank god. My first stupid college decision. Never again. At the event, I was pretty much ignored despite my miniscule efforts to strike up conversation, trailing after my suitemate and her friends like I was back in 6th grade or something. I was clearly the odd one out. So awkward. Never again lmao.

      Zipo, please. I am legitimately crying right now. Literally probably the nicest thing someone who’s not family has said about me :’) Thank you.

      Not fishing! I’ve always wanted to get into Tennis. I don’t really understand it though. What’s “Love”? How does the points system work idgi. I think Soccer is the only sport I truly understand.

  2. Zipo said:

    You are missing some of the most fun. You may be targeting you own self. Get out there…. this is the time you actually have the most fun of your life!!! 3 ppl in college bathroom… un–real. Try 12. Come on… built a relationship. You be “an-unfriendly” LOL

    And get in the freaking car. I drive 75 to 80… LIVE!!!

  3. Annie said:

    I hope you’re enjoying college now! It sounds fun, though I think I’d have a bit of a hard time making friends at first as well. Reminds me of every American high school movie or TV show with dorms and hallways and whatever American football is. University here (or at least for me) is really different!

    And wow congrats on your scholarship!!!

    • AA said:

      Annie! Unfortunately, I’m at the same level of enjoyment as I was when I wrote this post. Maybe less lol. I’m getting used to it though! I had too many high expectations coming in. The pity parties are slowly coming to an end! What’s new with you?

      Thank you!

      • Annie said:

        Aw, well I hope it gets better, keep your head up! Hope you met some good people :)

        I start university next month, pretty crazy! I got my offer yesterday and although it isn’t what I really wanted, I’m still quite keen. Being on a 4 month holiday with no school or commitments is getting rather tiring. But the tennis has been great so far haha

      • AA said:

        Thanks, Annie :)

        Seeing as how your comment is about 3 months old, you’ve started university now. How is university for you? Better than mine I hope!

  4. Zipo said:

    Oh my goodness, I hope you haven’t crashed and burned! Godspeed Eyup it is all related to speed. xd!

    Seriously . . . Hope you and your family have awesome holidays forth coming.

    • AA said:

      I’m slowly crashing to be honest! I skipped all my MWF classes for the first time yesterday. It felt great. I can’t believe I lasted so long without doing so. Now I’ll be lost in Calculus but I don’t even care. That class is the bane of my existence. Waking up at the crack of dawn, trying to make it to the damn 8am class, trying to stay awake, trying to retain the boring, uninteresting material, etc. Absolutely terrible. I’m seriously doubting becoming a business major. Still no clue as to what I want fml.

      I fear I’ll become addicted to skipping my classes. But skipping yesterday felt soooo good. Of course I starved since I didn’t want to leave my room to go to a cafeteria (because that would require me to actually put some effort into my appearance), so I ordered Chinese. My fortune cookie said something about my decisions that day being great ones. What a fortune! I finished the rest of the food today and realized how disgusting it was. It’s funny how good things taste when you’re starving!

      Thank you Zipo! You as well!

      • Zipo said:

        Well you’re not clinically depressed…. You are still eating. I love Chinese…. And on the flip side, I love sushi. I can main line it.
        There is always night school. Or you just need to admit to defeat. You aren’t college material. But don’t give up …. You may just need to find your “space”.

  5. Zipo said:

    I left a message earlier… the turkey must have ate it

    I can’t track of my fake email!!! xd!

    • AA said:

      I rescued it from moderation! Yeah, I admit defeat. I am definitely not college material. Actually, I have no idea what I am! How’s life, Zipo? :’) You should tell me more about yourself!!!!!!!!!!

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